Why don't my shorts fit? I just bought them two weeks ago at Old Navy, and now they're suddenly too tight. I know I didn't gain ten pounds in two weeks. This is bullshit. It's a conspiracy. Someone is force-feeding me cinnamon buns in my sleep. It has absolutely nothing to do with the venti raspberry mocha frapp that's sitting on my desk right now. What? They were out of grande cups. THEY WERE OUT OF GRANDE CUPS! What was I supposed to do?