Monday, September 29, 2008

La Agrado magnifico



(Translation by Blogoloquaciousness)

For reasons beyond their control, two of the actresses who daily work their magic upon this stage cannot be here today. Poor darlings. For this reason, this function is suspended. Those who wish, will have their admission refunded, but to those who have nothing better to do, and because it would be a tragedy to come to the theater and leave thusly, if you stay, I promise to entertain you with the story of my life.

[Some people get up to leave] Good bye, I'm sorry.

If I bore you, please make snoring noises, like this [makes loud snoring noises, audience snickers]. I will stop immediately, and please don't worry about my feelings, truly.

[audience snickers]

They call me Agrado (Pleasure), because all my life, I've only pretended to want to please others. Besides being pleasant, I'm also very authentic. Look at this body! [audience laughs] Made to measure! Eye lift; eighty thousand. Nose; two hundred, but it went down the drain because one year later another whack turned it into this. Now, I know it gives me some character, but if I'd known better, I wouldn't have touched it.

[small group in the audience laughs]

I'll go on. Tits; two, because I'm not a monster. Seventy each, but these are totally amortized.

Silicone, [audience member interrupts, "WHERE?" and she continues as if she had not been interrupted] lips, forehead, cheeks, hips, and ass; about a hundred thousand. You do the math because I've lost count.

Jaw realignment; seventy-five thousand. Permanent laser hair removal, because women also evolved from monkeys as much as, or perhaps more, than men; seventy thousand per session, depending on how hairy you are, but it's normally two to four sessions. However, if you're folkloric, you need more, of course.

[Loud laughter and applause]

So like I was saying, being authentic isn't cheap ladies. And you can't be cheap when it comes to these things because the more you are like what you've dreamed you'd be, the MORE authentic you are!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Gay Bashing in Vancouver

"I don't think there's a gay person I know who's never been in a situation ... either verbally attacked or physically attacked in some way. It's common," he said. "A lot people never do what I did ... contacting the media. A lot people just forget about it and they don't say anything."

Read more about the Sept 28 attack on Jordan Smith

Notice the VPD's characterization of the incident as an "apparent gay bashing."  What's dubious about it, precisely?  He was struck in the face hard enough to break his jaw.  Is it only an apparent gay bashing unless the queer person dies from the attack?  I'd really like to know.

Goofy Evolution Museum

God(s) Bless Tina Fey.



Saturday, September 27, 2008

Jay Brannan

Jay Brannan is such an effing genius, it's ridiculous.




















R.I.P Paul Newman, 1925-2008.

Once More With Feeling

This is why I love Buffy fans so much:

Should I write another Buffy essay in the future?  Anyone who actually answers is promised one chocolate treat, mailed to them anywhere by me.  Not if you're a dick about it, though.  If you're a dick, you don't get any chocolate (maybe this is the framework that the UN should use, but only if the U.S. gets the crappy chocolate to hoard, like Eat More bars and those hard, chewy Roll-Os that don't melt in your mouth at all.  Uruguay must maintain control of the Oreos at all times.  I trust them.)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Eden Robinson

Eden Robinson talking about Haisla/Heiltsuk mythology (and Wayne's World).  I love that the camera is tilted.  It gives the whole story a certain perverse angle.  Not that Eden needs anything more uncanny in her storytelling, at this point....

Thursday, September 25, 2008

New Dad

Clay Aiken's a new gay daddy.  Check out his interview with Diane Sawyer below.  It's actually kind of touching.  Say what you want about his reticence to come out of the closet, especially given the overwhelming pressure of speculation in the United States regarding his sexuality.  When Aiken says that "as a gay man....[p]eople in my position so rarely get the chance to keep any aspect of their life private," you have to respect his decision not to disclose, I think.  Keep in mind, too, that coming out is a uniquely American and relatively recent set of linguistic acts, whereas many other cultures require less of an 'announcement' and more of a performative living, a living of one's truth and one's sexual embodiment.  As evidenced by the popularity of Perez Hilton, the urge to draw celebrities 'out' of a closet and 'into' gay culture is heady, entertaining, even addictive.  But sexuality remains an incredibly public/private iteration of one's truth, one's enfleshed and psychic life, that cannot be thematized or offered up in a tidy, gift-wrapped, epistemological package, ala the coming out 'event.'  For many, it's less of an event and more of une deviens ou deviendrai, a continual becoming and entree into the battlefield of human subjectivity.  

And, as Jean Yanne reminds us, c'est interdit d'interdire.  It is forbidden to forbid, just as it is forbidden to demand disclosure, which can also be an oppressive gesture.


J'ai mal aux des dents

Just got back from the dentist.  Apparently, a tiny filling I received a year ago had leaked, and an enormous cavity had grown up around and underneath it, like one of those insidious Baobab trees from le petit prince.  But I was amazed by the efficiency and affordability of the dentist I went to in Montreal.  The whole thing cost only $100, and I was in and out--including freezing--in forty five minutes!  Probably the best experience at the dentist I've ever had.

Now, I get to sip my SlimFast meal replacement shake through a straw, and work on a job letter for a queer studies position.  C'etait mon nuit!  Tres passionant.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Uncanny


















The new Angelina Jolie doll is an uncanny masterpiece.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Monday, September 22, 2008

McCain's Closet

Read this very enlightening article by Michaelangelo Signorile, on Senator McCain's Chief of Staff, Mark Buse.  Here's an excerpt:

"What does John McCain’s loyal chief of staff – a man who apparently is in a long-term relationship with another man, and appears to be open about it to John McCain -- think about the fact that Sarah Palin devoutly worships at a church that promotes “converting” gays to heterosexuality? What, conversely, does she think of him? More importantly, what does John McCain think about all of this? And don’t we deserve some answers from the American media?"

Sunday, September 21, 2008

MVCR

Jesus, I laughed when I saw this for the first time.  Never has global capitalism ever had such a perfect, populist representation, than in this VCR commercial.  Nestor Garcia Canclini would have a field day writing about this.  Euro-American invasion of Japan with a cruise missile of popular culture:  Madonna


Thursday, September 18, 2008

DHHS Stupidity

* yanked from a BitchPhD post:*

"As you likely already know, a couple of weeks ago, the Department of Health and Human Services released proposed regulations that could seriously undermine women's access to reproductive health services, including birth control and abortion. The language of the proposed regulation leaves "abortion" undefined, leaving room to expand it to encompass emergency birth control and even contraception.

We've got a button down there a bit on the right sidebar that links to the ACLU's page where you can submit your objection to the regulation. The button reads "Religion and Reproductive Rights" because this is the bullshit regulation that would allow people to refuse to perform services (e.g. distribute birth control) on the basis of their religious beliefs."

You know what, assholes? If you don't want to distribute contraception, don't work in a pharmacy, how 'bout that?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

La Cho

Words of wisdom from Margaret Cho:  

"God wants us all to just get along. He doesn’t give a shit about the profanity. The bitch fucking invented profanity. He thinks it is hilarious. He just wants you to talk to him, and he doesn’t care what you have to say. He just wants to keep the conversation going. Like Jay-Z, he just wants to love you. He just wants you to be able to make your own decisions. God is all about you and what you need. God is happy that you are gay. God made you fucking gay cuz he thinks it is awesome. God understands if you need to have an abortion. That is why he created abortion, on the 8th day. God accepts. God forgives. God loves all of us, even though some of us might have a problem with each other....[I]f you truly believed in Jesus, you would try to be like him and love us, fags and dykes and feminists all. God bless you, even you. You fucking fuckers."

Amen.  

Friday, September 12, 2008

Times Interview

No, not the New York Times.  The Chilliwack Times (my hometown newspaper) published a feature today on my work.  And, to tell you the truth, since I've spent most of my life reading that paper, it's probably more exciting to me than getting a feature in the NYT.  I think it's the first time the Chilliwack Times has ever used the word "transgendered" in a story.  I feel quite proud!

Click here to read the article

Sunday, September 7, 2008

What the hell happened?

How did I suddenly get so busy? When we first moved to Montreal, I seemed to have nothing but free time. I'd laze about on the patio, drinking coffee, reading whatever I wanted, going to movies (mostly to enjoy the air-conditioning), and dreaming about what I'd buy once I finally got my SSHRC cheque (Robert, in case you're wondering, I've just used it to pay rent so far. I also bought a bed, but I can send you the receipt).

Now, all of a sudden, things have gotten crazy. Hence, the lack of blogging (I was also in Vancouver for a wedding, and we're still waiting for the internet, which really cuts down on the blogging and obsessive email checking). Here's the current schedule.

- finish first chapter of Book 3, tentatively called "Inhuman Resources," and send to editor for approval along with proposal.

- write article on queer characters and Maya cosmology in Leslie Marmon Silko's "Almanac of the Dead," which may or may not get published, it's up in the air right now.

- write article on queer diasporas in the work of Haisla/Heiltsuk writer Eden Robinson (heavily revised from my M.A. thesis)

- write article on Sylar and queer camp in "Heroes" for collection with Tauris--hence, the pic

- revise article on queer/transgender kidslit to be reprinted in a collection with the University of Michigan

- re-read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (in North Midlands dialect) for medieval grad course at Concordia

- get job letters ready for tenure-track postings, which will appear online in just FIVE days.

- hammer out a draft for my work-in-progress, super secret new series (codename Alpha Flight--just for Matt) which, at some point in the future, I will submit to my Goddess Agent.

- fly to Wyoming for archive-digging in November

- continue with my French lessons, which are going surprisingly well so far!

I'll be relieved once I finally check into a mental institution, and get three meals a day plus visitors. Come say hi when I'm at Riverview!